The Word.

Monday, September 5, 2011

How NOT to start off vacay: Part 2

Two posts in two days! I'm on fire!

So lets just say this is a continuation of part 1, and that before you fell asleep, thinking of blood loss and brain damage, you had allowed your friends to play with your phone, iPod, and camera because well, you're not using them and they asked nicely to look at the photos from your European vacation.  At that point if you're standing over a sink, letting the blood poor out of your finger and waiting for the end, and one of your friends comes and nervously says: "umm Caroline?" the conversation should go as follows:
"Yeah?"
"I don't know what happened, I'm sorry"
"What are you talking about?"
"I was looking at your camera"
attempts to block blood flow "Uh-huh"
"And I don't know what happened"
Finally looks up for wound "What happened?"
"I don't know, the camera shut off and said all your photos were gone"
"Oh."
"I don't know what happened"
Now, Before you wail on your friend and release a whole world of flupping grief on them take a step back.  It would look bad if you, a screaming bloody mess, started in on your friend on the first night of a week at the beach, not to mention you're 95% they actually don't know what happened and are sad about it.  Politely say it's okay, you don't blame them, then blame the tears now flowing down your face on the wound you've received, not the loss of the memories from your family vacation (in hindsight you should have uploaded them before you left for the beach).  Smile, tell them it doesn't matter, then cry yourself quietly to sleep (you wouldn't want to wake up any other guests!)
Besides, your sister did save a few gems

Sunday, September 4, 2011

How NOT to start off vacay: Part 1

Like I promised I'm back with my little nuggets of wisdom, and this particular nugget comes from personal experience.
When going on vacation with your friends, try not to be too much of a bother.  Be polite, courteous, and most importantly, don't hemorrhage all over their house.
For example, if you are a silly child like myself, you will pack your shaving razor in your suitcase without any protection around it.  Not in toiletries bag or in a separate pocket, just lying in wait for your big mistake.  After making this first mistake, you will inevitably jam your hand into your bag and accidentally slice off a decent portion of your figure.  Yelling FLUP at the top of your lungs as you realise your fatal error.  Running to the bathroom, have the decency to politely tell your host that by no fault of their own, you are bleeding to death and may require some first aid.  Silently complain aloud to the nearest person that "it's really no big deal, I just wish it would stop bleeding".  If, as happened to me, the bleeding doesn't stop after two hours, you can start to panic a little.
That paranoid feeling you have that you're losing too much blood has a little bit of ground now and you can suggest to your friend that they wake up an adult who totally knows what to do in this situation.  If said adult looks baffled and apprehensive about your imminent death, it's appropriate to feel a little scared, while politely declining their offer to take you to the emergency room because you know it's rude to make someone drive you at 12 am to get one stitch and besides, your parents definitely don't want to receive your call at 1 am asking for your medical information.  Just suck it up and stifle the wound with layers and layers of bandages, then go to sleep and pray that you don't die of shock or blood loss over night, because that would be a huge inconvenience to your host, removing your dead body and all.

More Advice to come!